Soup.
Just in case you want to eat your favourite food, but find solid matter too distressing. And even then, you don't want it fully liquified. No, you want it to be the consistency of a recently churned stomach, which was then emptied into a bowl of boiling water.
And most of the time, the soup tastes nothing like what it is meant to. With the exception of tomato soup, because that's not actually that bad. Chicken soup, however, is the worst. It's like someone thought "you know what's my favourite food? Chicken! But solids are a challenge for me right now...". Hence, we have that dull, grey liquid that people call chicken soup. Sometimes there are bubbles, almost as if the chicken is still alive and breathing, ready to reform itself like Terminator 2.
And it doesn't even taste of chicken! Or if it does, it's no chicken like what I've ever tasted.
The range of soup is also baffling. For a vague attempt at research, I strolled into Morrisons. Chicken, Tomato, Mushroom. Standard. Then it gets weird.
The fuck is "cream of tomato"?
Heinz obviously have no idea what a tomato is, because I've eaten tomatoes, and I've never seen anything that be remotely described as cream come out. Same with mushrooms! And as for chickens, it just sounds like they get a male chicken and wank it off into a tin like the cock that it is, milking it dry until a can is full of chicken semen.
Soup.
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