Mini-Rant: Fruit Marketing

Fruit marketing.
"An apple a day, keeps the doctor away".
"Carrots will make you see in the dark".
Wow...
An endless wonder awaits the child that believes this shallow marketing scam of fruit merchants across the land. Strange orange sticks which illuminate a whole new realm to them in the dead of night... or so they'd expect. And so they wake in the night, perpetually frightened that the darkness that they see has consumed all light and everything and everyone they'd ever known, for they can see nothing else. The carrots lied. Parents lied. The Grocer lied...
And the whole "apple a day, doctor away" thing. How on earth does that work? Can an apple heal a broken leg? You'd better hope so, because the doctor is warded away for an entire 24 hours after you've eaten one.
Take this for an example: you wake at night, and go downstairs to have a midnight apple, because you're a sane and normal individual. You don't turn on lights; you don't need them, the carrots have you sorted! And so you devour the apple, including the core because you're a sane and normal individual! You work your way back upstairs -- but oh no! What is this madness? You trip, falling back down, tumbling and cracking as you do so. With broken fingers you dial "999", leaving a bloody smear over the touchscreen -- that stain won't come off. Paramedics arrive, bundle you into the ambulance and whiz you to the hospital.
You arrive at the hospital, and the paramedics dump you in a bed. The doctor consults with them, before coming over to see you. But, as he grows close, he is repelled by a sphere of green, or sometimes red, energy. Pulling himself back up, he tries to examine you again, but is this time thrown across the room. And it is here where you realise that an apple a day truly does keep the doctor away.
And as you lay dying of possible internal bleeding, you now truly appreciate the web of lies which society has forced us to believe. Eventually, at night, you can see lights, flickering. Rejoicing in the idea that the carrots have finally enabled you to see truly in the dark, you fail to realise that you are, in fact, in the depths of Hades and are now dead.
Fruit Marketing.